whatevs (dot org)

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-12-6)

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 18:07:15 -0500

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-12-6):

Ever since seeing him bomb in spectacular fashion at Bonnaroo...

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 16:23:00 -0500

Ever since seeing him bomb in spectacular fashion at Bonnaroo this year, I have been obsessed with Kumail Nanjiani. Despite his meltdown in the Tennessee heat that day, he’s easily one of my favorite comedians of the moment. Last night, a crew of us (Keanesian, Lindsayism, ConnieNYC, GabeGum, Edith) caught his set at Sara Schaefer’s GET OFF YOUR KNEES night at the Bell House in which he told an epic and hilarious story about how John Mayer interrupted his set and heckled him with semi-racist taunts at the Slipper Room recently. I don’t think that I quite captured how hilarious his story was (a friend just told me that “this entire post is you blowing undeserving people”), but either way, here’s my writeup of comedy’s hottest beef over on Vulture.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the world premiere of...

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 14:36:00 -0500

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the world premiere of Four’s Company!

(Starring: @keanesian, @allimooney, @joewest and introducing @unclegrambo as the Ghost of the Haunted Toilet!)

Exclusive: Source: Tiger Woods' Mistress Dated George Clooney

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 12:53:01 -0500

Exclusive: Source: Tiger Woods' Mistress Dated George Clooney:

Wonder who got the sloppy seconds? I’m thinking Tiger.

Alison Moyet, lookin’ fine! “I wish they’d fix...

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:36:25 -0500

Alison Moyet, lookin’ fine!

“I wish they’d fix the wires ‘cuz my baby don’t know / That I’m leaving in the morning and I’m ready to go / Can you hear me? Can you hear me at all? / Gotta get the operator, make a telephone call!”

The GOP Has Problems

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:13:32 -0500

allthecoolkids:

lindsayrobertson:

Sometimes I forget that I have two Republican friends. This conversation happened last night:

Regular Normal friend: So what are her parents like?

Me: Oh, you know, Southern. They’re total Republicans, of course, but at least they drink.

(Awkward silence, then laughter)

Me: I’m sorry (Republican friend)! I forgot you were a Republican.

Republican friend: No worries. Happens all the time.

Me: I didn’t mean like you. I meant, you know, Racist Republican.

Republican friend: I get it!

Ah, New York City. “I have a Republican friend” is the new (or maybe old) “I have a black friend.”

I aspire to one day get an IMDB listing as “Regular Normal Friend.”

leitch: I was downright giddy to be name-checked in Nick...

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 10:24:27 -0500

leitch:

I was downright giddy to be name-checked in Nick Denton’s review of the iPhone game Flight Control on Kotaku yesterday. If you’ve played the game, you know the smart strategy is to just take the most direct route to the runway, rather than Nick’s ridiculous looping, “consistent flight pattern” notion. (I find something perfect about Nick getting so formalist about a video game.) You land the planes like in the video above. Obviously.

Another exhibit in the ongoing series, Nick Denton Is Actually A Really Nice Guy But Bad At Video Games. (Though I did enjoy the subtle “Will Leitch, the sports writer” dig. He knows I hate being called a sportswriter. Well played.)

I was part of this initial email exchange (though, not surprisingly, left out of Denton’s review). I can’t find the original email, but I remember the entirety of Denton’s original missive to Will: “What’s your technique?” Classic Denton; short, sweet, demanding, to the point.

Ladies and gentlemen, the managing editor EDITOR-IN-CHIEF* of...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 17:36:00 -0500

Ladies and gentlemen, the ~~managing editor~~ EDITOR-IN-CHIEF* of Gawker — supposedly a cutting edge site run for and by tastemakers — is only just now finding out about Phoenix. Phoenix! Shit, even General Motors has known about them since September. Where’s Belonsky when you need him?

*Since when did Denton start giving out THAT title?

allthecoolkids: funsize: i blame @keanesian and @unclegrambo...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 16:54:00 -0500

allthecoolkids:

funsize:

i blame @keanesian and @unclegrambo for introducing me to this song, which i have had in my head for a solid month now.

Whahahaha. I love it when a plan comes together.

PS. I think this YouTube video is more attuned to the existentialist sturm und drang communicated by Das Racists than Alli’s link. (Also, it’s a better version of the song.)

That’s a very nice combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell, but the one that they refer to in the song is this one at 160-01 Jamaica Avenue. Road trip?

(via soupsoup) Epic. Forte!

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 12:07:31 -0500

(via soupsoup)

Epic. Forte!

waxandmilk: Proof that Kool Keith is indeed the center of the...

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 14:40:17 -0500

waxandmilk:

Proof that Kool Keith is indeed the center of the universe.

thx scifide

Related: Mad genius Kool Keith more mad than genius (Adam Graham, CM Life, 9/1/99)

Still waiting on that Kool Keith cereal!

Jersey Shore’s Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown [Vulture] “I...

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 11:10:00 -0500

Jersey Shore’s Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown [Vulture]

“I feel like eating ham and drinking water.”

Movin’ my hips like YEAH

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:19:08 -0500

Movin’ my hips like YEAH

Videogum Inside Jokes, Memes, etc.

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:25:00 -0500

werttrew:

A preliminary list of inside jokes, catchphrases, snowclones (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowclone) and memes that are prevalent on Videogum.

This is great. It also reminds me of the post that Deftone did to translate the old whatevs (dot org) jargon (which Dan Radosh once described as a “goofy patois”) way back in 2004. I will republish that piece in it’s entirety here and hopefully it will spur on some old timey laffs.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004
2003 blog of the year? whatevs.org, obvs. it’s a pop culture blog by Detroiter Uncle Grambo. If you’ve seen the site, you know that it pretty much has it’s own lexicon or “peculiar slang”. I’ve told lots of friends about it, and they agree, it’s great, but then they inevitably ask me what “obvs” stands for, or what a “durst” is. others have had the same problems too. So, even though there’s no buzz in explaining things, the following should get you quickly acclimatized, privatized, and accustomized:

The Unofficial whatevs.org Quick Reference Dictionary

Updated Jan 15: corrections and new entries!

Disclaimer: Accuracy and completeness of information are not guaranteed. Mostly it’s just me guessing or coming to my own conclusion after having read the site for months.

best - best, obvs. usually used as the sentence “best!” or “so best!”
bovs - beyond obvious. thanks to brother, The Gorilla, and creator Seantizz
buzz - something has “buzz” if it’s being talked about or is cool.
DB - douchebag. thanks to uncle grambo
durst - worst, as in Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. worse than “no buzz”, worse than worst. or wurst. eg. “Brit Brit’s perf of “Me Against The Music” was side splittingly durst”
eff - fuck. obvs.
evs - ever. obvs.
FOW - Friends of Whatevs

This one took me a while to figure out, and even then, it’s just a guess and I could be wrong. When you see “FOW Nation” enough times, you can infer that its what Uncle Grambo calls his crew of friends. One day it just came to me that it must stand for “Friends of Whatevs”. I felt so smart that I did a victory lap with scissors. Some of the names in the FOW Nation you’ll find mentioned often:

The Grizz

The Gorilla

Mandypants*

Peabs

JPMcKrengels

For a while I thought The Grizz and The Gorilla were the same person. Aren’t grizzlies and gorillas both bears? No. They’re not. I think one of them may be Uncle Grambo’s brother too. And I think The Grizz writes for Detroit News. I also thought JPMcKrengels was a name of one of the muppets from FraggleRock.

no buzz - opposite of buzz. e.g. “Luis Guzman has no buzz w/out Soderbergh”
obvs - obviously, obvs.
p.h.c.f.y.s.b. - piping hot content for your sexy bod
shmears - seriously. shmears is short for shmeariously, which is short for seriously, like ‘breakfast shmreakfast’ mallrats stizz. thanks to damore and Peabs
schmobvs - obvs schmobvs, so it means obvs.
stizz - style. eg. “Uma Thurman? amazing face. great pins. tight butt. strangely appealing feet (‘kill bill’ stizz)”
tigs - tight. thanks to thekutch.
whatevs - whatever, obvs.
WOM - word of mouth
uggs - ugly

If I’ve missed any, or if you have any corrections, let me know.

allthecoolkids: I was crying while I wrote this. So sue me if I...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:16:55 -0500

allthecoolkids:

I was crying while I wrote this. So sue me if I got some things wrong.

Fans of The Office, stop what you’re doing now and read this. @keanesian speaks the truth.

marklisanti: I went to a Catholic university, where all the...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 11:31:21 -0500

marklisanti:

I went to a Catholic university, where all the anti-masturbation signs referred to the act as “an affront against our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.” But honor code violations are bad, too.

University of Michigan has a Strict Masturbation Policy | Top Cultured

See, this is what happens when we don’t make a bowl game for the second year in a row.

Ode To Dr. Rockzo He does cocaine.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:18:14 -0500

Ode To Dr. Rockzo

He does cocaine.

Items Currently In My Messenger Bag

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:11:05 -0500

(1) copy of THE BOOK OF BASKETBALL by Bill Simmons
(1) umbrella
(1) bandana, red
(1) pack of Trident Splash gum, strawberry with lime flavor
(1) belt, brown
(1) copy of New York (Obama cover)
(2) dvds of GORDON RAMSEY’S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES: Season Five
(2) Listerine PocketMists, Cool Mint flavor
(1) pack of matches
(1) Olympus voice recorder
(4) pieces of junk mail
(1) iPhone charger and cord
(49) American cents

Did Tiger Play the Second Hole?

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 12:51:32 -0500

Did Tiger Play the Second Hole?:

Is this an anal sex reference?

gabrieldelahaye: maxsilvestri: Don’t make a stupid...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 11:27:44 -0500

gabrieldelahaye:

maxsilvestri:

Don’t make a stupid embarrassing mess of yourself at the multiplex this winter. Watch Gabe & Max’s 100 Second Holiday Movie Preview!

You guys are going to do great this year (making decisions about what movie to see). Very impressive!

“Nancy Meyers built all new cameras for this!”