There is a moment in the video for Katy Perry / Snoop’s song “California Gurls” where Katy’s boobies are ejaculating AND she is miming giving a double-handed handjob. A double handy? I don’t know what the kids call it these days. TRUE STORY: I actually sort of like the song because it is clearly scientifically engineered to be earworm-levels-of-catchy and I am a glutton for cheeseball catchyness (see: Party in the USA as my ringtone, circa all of last summer). BUT I DO NOT LIKE THIS VIDEO ONE BIT. This is not what the video in my head looked like AT ALL!
The video in my head was all super-satch’ed California Beach-Blanket-Bingo style retro pin-up fun, and this is basically a softcore porn about Candyland. And I’ve deducted points for the girl playing a chocolate whatever, because she is wrapped in plastic and totally not even Laura Palmer.
edited to add: Thank you the inimitable Katie Bakes for identifying this maneuver as “ski poling.” Seriously, that is apparently a thing now. And for the record, if you are wearing daisy dukes, bikini on top, then it is probably too fucking cold for you to be doing anything with skis or ski poles. Just, you know, to keep the metaphors straight or what not.
Double Handy > Ski Poling.
